


he knows

by Ive_never_read_fluff



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:08:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26166157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff
Summary: Janus has hanahaki.For Virgil.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 5
Kudos: 76





	he knows

It made sense, he supposes.

He probably deserves it. 

The first time Janus coughs up flowers, he knows exactly what's going to happen to him.

What'll be his end. 

He has questions, sure, like 'Will only I die?', 'Is someone going to replace me, or will someone take over my role?', 'What'll happen to Thomas?', but he doesn't have the time to dwell on them to much, not like he'd ever find the answers anyway.

His days are limited. Well, they always have been, but he's far more aware of it now. 

Janus suspected it would happen, he almost could say he saw it coming. He loved Virgil to much. So much so, that it became a physical sort of pain. It's just the logical next step - for his feelings to transform into hanahaki. 

Hanahaki, a disease caused by unrequited love. 

Because of course, of _course_ , the best thing to ever happen to him, his love, the very reason he holds onto his life, his hopes, his dreams, Virgil, would be the one to kill him. 

He knew he loved Virgil, and he knew Virgil hated him. He knew the hanahaki would end his life. He knew there was no saving him, no way to reverse this. He knew his days were extremely numbered. 

He knew there was no hope for him. 

But he wasn't too pleased about it.. that's reasonable enough, right? Maybe he's just dramatic. Overreacting, maybe. He could be being ungrateful.. maybe. 

He really doesn't have time to dwell on it.

Coughing up bloodied flower petals wasn't a great pastime. They'd be pretty, if they weren't covered in blood. From what Janus could tell, they were some sort of dark purple that fades into a pastel grey (can grey be pastel? Well it can be now.), Virgil would probably like them. Yeah, they look almost like something one of the others would get him. Maybe Janus could leave some cleaned ones in his room (or somewhere else, just in case his room fades after he's gone) for Virgil to see. 

He shouldn't be dwelling on it.

Maybe Janus could try to make things right? Or, at least, more bearable. You know, while he still has the chance.. not that anyone would care, much less _miss_ him. 

Wouldn't it be best if he wasn't missed? Because despite them not being to fond of him, Janus cares about them to a certain extent. Cares enough to not want them to hurt. Some selfish part of him wishes someone would care about him like that. 

He doesn't have the time.

He _knows_ he doesn't have the time.

He's going to write a note now.. because no way he'd talk to them in-person. Not when he looks so sick. His days are numbered. 

So limited.

He only has, say, a few days left at best. At worst? Probably.. twelve hours. His hours are numbered. 

Over the course of his time with hanahaki (which was most likely a week if he's being honest), he's progressively coughed up more and more flowers/flower petals each time. He's been counting the number of them. The flowers have a number, just like his remaining life.

But he _can't_ be dwelling on it. 

He can't be spending the rest of his life dwelling on it. He can't change it. He doesn't have the time to dwell.

He can't. 

He can't.

He can't.

He can't.

He can't.

He can't.

He can't.

HE CAN'T.

**HE CAN'T.**

He can't stop the flowers or the blood or the pain or his love or his hurt or Virgil's hatred for him or the other sides disliking of him or this disease or dwell over this or be miserable for the rest of his life or try to fix it or make it better or do anything but accept his fate, to accept his death, accept it, accept it like no one did to him, deal with it, suck it up, shut up, please shut up, stop, stop, please, why does he deserve this, why, can't he stop the puking or the flowers or the petal or the pain or the flowers or Virgil or his feelings or the pain the pain the pain he's in pain please he hurts it all hurts so bad so much help him why won't anyone fucking help him he doesn't deserve it though anyway he's just ungrateful he's disgusting he's selfish this is why Virgil left him obviously he's bad so bad villian he's the villian bad guy he's always been he always will be can't change it he can't change it he can't change anything he can't do anything he's useless he can't he can't he can't-

He doesn't have time to dwell on it. On this. 

He hasn't even made, wrote, the notes to the others yet and maybe he should only make one for Virgil because no one cares anyway but he doesn't want to hurt anyone but no one cares but still he ca- DOESN'T want to risk it he doesn't want to be bad or a villian and he needs to he doesn't have enough time he fucking doesn't have the time he needs to get it done fast he needs to do it do them fast he's running out of time that he never had and he needs to do it get it done before he dies he's gonna die- he needs to calm down-

He can't calm down.

He can't control anything about this.

He can't.

He doesn't have the time.

He doesn't have time. 

No time.

Janus is dying. 

He's dying.

Dying.

...

...

...

He feels himself stop breathing. Hears his heart stop beating. Feels the vomit and flowers around him. Feels his life slipping. 

Slipping.

Dying.

Slipping.

Slipping.

Dying.

Dying.

Slipped.

Slipped.

Dead.


End file.
